Stop smoking weed the same way your ex-boyfriend does.
Instead, dodge those blackened fingernails, sticky backsides of lighters and goopy, resin-stuffed smoking pieces, and let me show you how to roll a pretty joint.
These clean, powerful, sparkly little party favors will get you baloney enough for the whole night. Stuff it in your hair along with all your other secrets.
- Grind it up Tiny
Weed that’s still bunched into nugs won’t burn smoothly. The air pockets would cause the paper to burn past the weed. Flip your grinder over to really ham it up.
ALL PHOTOS BY JAKE HOWL
- Roaches are a Great Opportunity for a e s t h e t i c
I used to cut teabag tabs into roaches for a crafty, sentimental-looking joint that told people I was an English major so I wouldn’t have to—but Blazy Susan has these adorable pink rolling papers that call for glitter cardstock. You can basically use any paper that’s thicker than the rolling paper, though. The cardboard packaging the rolling papers come in is great in a pinch.
Cut a little rectangle out that’s about one centimeter wide and three centimeters long. Roll it up tighter than a pencil.
- The Hard Part
The first ones you roll are going to be really ugly. Keep trying. Rolling beautiful handcrafted joints is a skill that showcases independence, an appreciation for beauty, and supreme attention to detail. Rolling well will become your hidden talent that makes you feel like a cowboy and a bad bitch at the same time.
Don’t give up and start with a new paper unless you’ve caused it to stick to itself with your sweaty hands. You can still roll it when it’s a little wrinkled. They can’t all be perfect.
If you’re right-handed, roll with the sticky strip on the side furthest from you. This is so you can use your dominant thumb to tuck the corner of the paper cleanly along the roach.
Oh yeah. Deep breath. Time to roll it. Tuck the paper around the weed. Once you have this part, it’s hard to goof up the rest. You might still goof it up, though. That’s okay. You’re fine. I believe in you.
- You Know This Part
Lick the sticky side and lay it down. If this is your first time rolling with a roach, it may be sliding off a little. The paper may be wrinkled or folded. Don’t worry about it, babe. It takes practice. I like to have the roach pop out so you can see the sparkles, but if the rolling paper is thin enough you can just roll it proper and still see the embellishment.
- Seal the Top
Lighting all that loose paper at the end could cause the paper to light up past the weed; it’ll ash sooner than it needs to. Pat the weed down with a bobby pin or something, then close the top by twisting it.
Pinch the edges of the closed top to create a flat surface.
- Stick a Rhinestone on There
‘Cause you deserve it. Rhinestones with a sticky backside are best, but if you need to use glue—use something gentle like eyelash glue. Elmer’s would be kind of a smelly thing to have so close to your mouth.
Stick it to the roach so you don’t accidentally smoke it. When you’re ready to smoke it, lightly burn the edges and pop that little paper nightcap off.
b o o m
Who wants to sesh?
Find and follow Becky Ketchup on Instagram @beckyketchup
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